Time Marches On

I once celebrated a number of birthdays today, but I am taking a break from celebrating them this year.

I find this makes me a bit sad.

Perhaps I will celebrate them again someday.

Home Sweet Home

It's true, I have scored My First Apartment.  It's amazing how many offers I've had, over other people yet, with no income!  This whole job thing is next on my list, as one cannot live on subbing alone, particularly if one is looking for a healthy psyche.  

I'll be living on the top floor of a mansion, in a 100 year-old building with some really neat architectural details.  And the kitchen?  It's in the turret.  I've looked at a lot of places, and I usually bring along cameras and tape measures and I go home and pour over details and do math and study bus schedules, but for this place?  I just knew I wanted it.  The one typical thing I did was time the walk (yes, with a stopwatch) from the local commercial district to the house.  6 minutes, 43 seconds.

As of March 1, I will begin life as someone who has a fridge with *only* her own food in it.

Housewarming festivities may take a little while, as the aforementioned job situation will make furniture acquisition a gradual process.

Hooray!

This is the Reason I Don't Give My Friends with Children Toys That Make Noise

Heard as I was subbing in the media center today:

*annoying electronic chirp chirp chirp*

"What's that noise?"

"It's that book."

"I think I'm done with that book."

Dear readers, never, ever, ever give your friends with children gifts that make an electronic noise.  An instrument or some blocks to pound against one another, now that's one thing, but something that goes *beep beep beep*...just say no.

Also heard today:

"I'm going to follow you around now."

That was nipped in the bud.

All in all, however, the day in the media center was pretty chill, especially since I'd been up coughing half the night, with lucid dreams of having to read out loud all day, thereby doing my barely-hanging-on-voice in for good.  No reading out loud today, just some minor chirping books.

Change the Channel!

Is it just me, or are there others out there who are equally annoyed by the down-home, non-threatening folksy wisdom dispatched by Garrison Keillor on A Prairie Home Companion?

My local public radio station plays most of its shows twice a day, and on the weekends, it repeats some of the same shows on both days.  This means that at any given hour on the radio, A Prairie Home Companion is playing.  Two hours of Guy Noir.  Two hours of the ketchup board and that powdered milk song.  Two hours of an appreciative Minnesota audience knowingly getting down with their wholesome Lutheran roots.

I sort of can't stand it.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

So most of my sub jobs so far have been last-minute affairs.  I leap into action after an early-morning phone call, dashing off to the school as I lace my shoes, desperately tossing together a PB&J sandwich which then gets crammed it into my bag (which I don't even like).

Today, I was pretty excited to have had advance notice about my job.  I put together a nice lunch, complete with water and snacks.  Tea in hand, I sauntered out the door.  As I approached the car, I realized something very important:

In all of my excitement about lunch, I had completely forgotten to eat breakfast.

Oops.

Herding Cats

You'd think that first graders would be pretty easy.  In reality a day spent with first graders is a day of cat-herding.  They are very into their routines, and have a hard time if things are a little different. 

Like, for example, if they have a substitute teacher who might not be familiar with every nuance of every moment of every day.  They get a little stressed out.

I've also discovered that they respond only to very specific words.  The lesson plans called for a practice spelling test.  I thought "test" sounded a little hardcore, so I wrote down that we were having a "quiz".

Child: "Quiz?  We don't have quizzes."

Me: "Do you have tests?"

Child: "Yes."

Me: "Okay, we're having a test."

Child: "Oh, okay."

They seem to enjoy upsetting each other by calling names.  Here's an example:

Child (crying): "He called me a BURRITO!"

Me: "Well, are you a burrito?"

Child (sniffling): "No..."

Me: "Then don't listen to him."

One of the kids says he's getting me a ring for Valentine's Day.  I was hoping for a special valentine this year...I just didn't think it'd come in the form of a Transformers card.

It's the Little Things

I have had a brand-new can opener in storage for almost three years.  Since it became mine, I have been using a wide variety of, in my opinion, extremely sub-par can openers, usually in the homes of those who don't do much cooking.  

I just used my new can opener, the one I selected to meet my exacting specifications, the one that topped off an Amazon order for free shipping, for the first time.

I feel complete.

Rubber and Latex: Always in Style

Porter the Linkmaster has done it again. I've seen some fabulous fashions in my day, and I love nothing better than creating party outfits out of cardboard and hot glue, old CDs, or giant pieces of paper. Next time I'm invited to a special event, I may try my hand at creating a dress made entirely out of balloons.

Of course, as we discovered at Abigail and Joshua's New Year's Day party, if you don't have any balloons on hand, you can always grab a condom.

Improv Gone Wild

Due to a particular confluence of events, I began taking improv classes in 1998.  I loved it from my very first day.  Since then, I have taken a healthy portion of classes, participated in private groups, done some instruction, and performed for 1000 kids at a time, using improv as part of a science presentation.  I've had a few moments of brilliance, some of utter failure, and many others that were just sort of in-between.

Good improv is absolutely sublime, and bad improv reminds us all that while performing without a net doesn't work 100% of the time, it's okay to try.  Even the experts make fools of themselves some of the time.

But I'm not here to talk about bad improv.  I am here to illustrate some amazing improv.  There's an organization in NYC called Improv Everywhere.  They don't do off off off Broadway community theater.  No, they amass large groups of people and do some large-scale weirding out.  

Porter alerted me to an amazing YouTube clip of Improv Everywhere, as they set about  freezing time in Grand Central Station.

After watching the video, I thought of a similar stunt I'd heard on an episode of This American Life - yep, it was the same group.  This time, they'd stormed a nightclub performance of a tiny local rock band that nobody had ever heard of, making it look like they had a million rabid fans.  As with all TAL episodes, poignant observations relating to the nature of human interaction ensued.

Improv *and* Ira Glass?  I am one happy camper!

"You All Everybody"

Mmmm, Driveshaft.

Catchy enough to serve as an anthem for an entire weekend.  A minute to learn...and a lifetime to get out of your head.

I Am Good, I Am

After much internal bargaining and attempted negotiation this morning, I hit the gymette.  

I win!

After tossing some ersatz lunch down my throat, it's time for another meeting with a potential part-time employer.  I seem to be amassing part-time work at a rapid clip.  This is something I am quite used to, however my long-standing dream continues to include visions of only one W-2 form to deal with during tax season.