First Aid for the Elementary Set

In my travels as a substitute teacher, I am running into a number of very mild cases of, well, mostly nothing.  I have determined that first aid for elementary school children is pretty universal, and as long as there's no actual bleeding, it goes pretty much like this:

2nd grade and below:  

The child has a (real or imagined) bump, and they think that attention will solve their problem. There's nothing a school nurse can do, and no sign that anything is actually wrong.  No blood, walking and talking is normal, and nobody's doubled over in pain.  In these cases, I will root around on the teacher's desk for some sort of small stuffed animal, or even a colorful pencil, and do some hocus pocus: "This here is a make-your-finger-feel-better-teddy-bear.  It will touch your finger three times, and after about a half an hour, your finger will feel all better." This usually does the trick.

3rd grade and above:

Now we're generally looking at a ploy to get out of the classroom.  I know they're not going to fall for three special touches from a magic pencil, so if complaints persist, I'll give them a pass to go to the office for...ice.  Ice will treat anything from a bump to a headache to the need to get out of class for ten minutes.

If only ice could solve my telephone problems.